But it seems I just can't resist drunk blogging. Or in this case, slightly but not so much drunk anymore blogging. My excuse tonight? That I should stay up long enough to drink some water before bed.
This whole dating thing is trickier than I thought it would be. It's trickier than I remember it being. I thought it would be easier at this point. I'm older, more mature. I know what I want, and I don't intend on settling for anything less. That should make it easier, right? I'm not concerned anymore about being the girl that I think the person I'm attracted to wants me to be. I'm me, and if that's not enough, then obviously that person isn't right for me. So this should make it easier, right?
Except it's not easier. It's harder. Maybe I'm just not ready yet. I want to be ready, but that doesn't mean that I am. Maybe it's time for me to admit some things to myself that I don't want to admit to. I wish that knowing something is impossible was enough to make me not want it... This sucks.
I suppose the main reason that I probably shouldn't be dating is that it's not fair to anyone else to date them when I'm so obviously not ready. I don't want to hurt someone else so I think the best thing for me to do is to just keep to myself. It's getting to be that time of year anyway. Time to focus my attention more internally, and more creatively.
Ok, it's four in the morning, and I'm blogging, which I said I wasn't going to do. I think it's time for me to stop & go to bed. Maybe things will look better in the morning. Or maybe things will be the same, which seems more likely to me...
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1 comment:
I went 8 years without a boyfriend from the one before my husband. It was definitely due to a combination of knowing what I wanted, not being ready yet, and maybe just not having met the right guy.
I did date though it was fairly sporadic.
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